Hidden Barriers to Achievement

Some valuable insight on human behavior (our own and others) from Raymond Aaron  http://www.aaron.com

“You've said I CAN'T.

Others have said I CAN'T. You have a sense of what that means.

But, what EXACTLY does it mean? It has two possible meanings. But note that it only has one meaning at a time. So, when someone says to you I CAN'T, they mean either one thing or they mean the other thing. Let's learn them right now.

The first possible meaning of I CAN'T is "I am unable".

Examples of when this would be applicable are:

... I can't lift that very heavy box... I can't speak Spanish... I can't run a marathon... I can't defy gravity

In summary, I CAN'T has the meaning that "I am unable" when it refers to that which is physically impossible, or when it refers to that which you have not yet learned how to do. This meaning of I CAN'T is simply a statement of fact.

The other possible meaning is "I am unwilling".

Examples of when this would be applicable are:

... I can't stand up to my father... I can't speak in public... I can't support your ideas... I can't vote for that candidate

In summary, I CAN'T has the meaning that "I am unwilling" when it refers to that which is emotionally challenging, or when it refers to that which is against your ethics or principles. This meaning of I CAN'T is a statement of personal policy.

When it means "I am unable", it is a statement of fact referring to physical

impossibility or lack of education.

When it means "I am unwilling", it is a statement of personal policy referring to that which is emotionally or ethically challenging.”